I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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