I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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