Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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