Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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