K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
