Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm just crazy horny about you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
