I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
