TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she looked like the before picture.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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