talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
