I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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