2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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