dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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