his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
