when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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