Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
