3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
