moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
