I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
