Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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