my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
