no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize