I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Boobs speak an international language.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
