Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
