He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
