would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
