Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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