Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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