she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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