I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
