You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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