I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
