I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
