I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
