oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
