There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
