The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
