Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
