If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
