so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
