Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize