He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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