God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
