why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You dont lie about slip and slides
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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