Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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