your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
