there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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