Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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