I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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