two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
