I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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