Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
