Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
