Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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