but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
