theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize