She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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