I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
