We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My feet surprised me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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