i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
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