why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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