if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
