the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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