I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm too high and old for this...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
