Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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