we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
