A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
