If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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