Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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