2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You ruined the universe
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
