and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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