Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
